sliding into home

 my heart wanders through me

 

and all over everywhere else

 

(where are you who are you hello)

 

and settles, grounded but not quite

 

I belong to them  and to you and to me

 

but not quite

 

so I stare into my glass

 

sobbing gold, sapphires, apple trees and Jesus

 

feet on the ground now

 

I just ate..

a vanilla cupcake with matcha buttercream.  Screw cutting sugar.  That was fucking amazing.

Hey, Sugar...

My husband will tell you, I eat way to much sugar.  I do.  I LOVE, I mean obsessively, passionately love, SUGAR.  I love chocolate, and eat the stuff every day.  I will go in to hyper exclamations of joy at the sight of a cupcake (which drives Husband insane).  A trip to Marble Slab Creamery puts me in a state of pure bliss.

And it has to stop.

Sugar has me in its addictive clutches.  Even though I enjoy healthy eating, I can't get through an entire day without the stuff.  ONE DAY.  I can make it through a "work day", feeling all proud of myself - and the minute I arrive home, something switches in my proud, arrogant lil' noggin.  Before I know it, I will be ripping into the ice cream, or (ick/ YUM) eating marshmallows (intended for baking) out of the bag.  And then...everything goes downhill from there.

I can't stop.  And I don't want to...  I love to bake, especially cupcakes (stay tuned for pictures of my creations).  There is something about the airy softness of cake, with it's sweet, buttery icing; it makes me sigh with contentment.  And ice cream?  Delightful.  Creamy, cold, gorgeousness.  A simple piece of dark chocolate melting, velvety, in my mouth.  Perfect.

But I need to stop.  Or at least cut down.  The crash is too much.  So I am on a quest to cut the sugar.  It's  hard - sugar is sneaky.  Sure, I can look at a cookie or chocolate bar and say no, obviously aware that it's full of sugar.  But sugar hides in so many seemingly "healthy" things we all buy in stores.

So here is the challenge - first, becoming more aware of exactly what is in my food and how much, which means reading labels.  Baby steps.

Shout it out!

What is your favourite vice?

How do you feel when you eat sugar?

Do you know what's in your food?  Do you read the label?

To blog or not to blog???

I'm probably not the laziest person on the planet, but do I ever procrastinate a lot.  Wait, that basically screams lazy.  Whatever.  Anyway, I just spent the last 30 min redesigning my blog (yay, me!) and now it's prettier with a new background, more up-to-date picture (BTW, fan veils are the bane of my existence, beautiful but sheesh I can't keep the things open!!!...) and a couple minor omissions of info and pics.  Now the hard part comes:  ACTUALLY blogging on a semi-regular basis.  Huh.

So here it is, I am promising to write once a week.  Ha!  ("She'll never last!" they whispered) Wait, there is no "they"...I have one whole follower.  Will there be more?

We shall see... >:-D

A blankie, cup of tea, and my couch...

...are all I want right now. (warning:  self-pity alert!)  I'm sick and have a rehearsal that I can't miss, and a dinner at Mona's Lebanese Restaurant with my fellow yoga teacher training grads, which I should miss but just don't want to...but might have to. :(

It's just one of those sick-days where once I get going I will probably feel fine, but logically I know that rest would be best.  Too many commitments, I'm afraid - life cannot be put on hold, just because I have the sniffles.  I already missed a day and a half of work during the week when I was at my worst - now the weekend is here.  before I know it Monday will be at my doorstep.

Here's to a hopefully slow-moving weekend.  :)

Almost there....

I am unofficially a yoga teacher training graduate.  Just need to complete my 20 hour practicum and first aid to receive my certificate, and I will be ready to hit the pavement knocking on the doors of studios and community centres to secure a weekly class time.  Whew!  So excited to start sharing my OM!

Introducing....Miss Leggy McShakerson....

The previously mentioned show was FABULOUS, so many beautiful dancers, gorgeous costumes.  Me and my Beledi Sisters pulled off our piece very well in spite of the addition of an involuntary straight leg shimmy (if you don't know what that is, google bellydance techniques or glossary)....The moment we walked onstage my legs began to tremble so hard I thought for sure everyone could tell, and it took every ounce of self control I have to will my body to perform the choreography that felt so natural and fluid during rehearsals in my and Cheryl's living rooms. 

Fortunately, the moment we were backstage after finishing the piece, the first words out of my dancemates' mouths were "ohmyGodmylegswereshaking!!!!!"...and upon seeing the video of our performance, there was no visual trace of wobbly dancers.  However, this leads me to want to seek out help in the form of being a better performer.  I know I can dance, I am confident with where I'm at as an intermediate student while still knowing that I will always be a student because there is always something new to learn.  But I still don't feel completely comfortable with juggling a choreography + connecting with the audience.  If all I do is get up there and dance, shaky legs and all, without feeling somewhat at ease and having a rapport with the crowd, then I'm not really entertaining anyone.

It is definitely easier right now dancing in a group piece.  we have a connection with each other, and my favorite compliment that night was when another dancer said "you all look like your really enjoy dancing together".  And we do.  And that makes it easier to be up there, when we make eye contact during the performance it's very grounding and I did feel like it helped me connect with the audience.
 
 That, and Gramma's white hair - the only thing I could actually see in the crowd...so I used that as an anchor - the focal point I kept coming back to between nervous glances into the darkness.  :P

Pressure, part one

I have been asked to dance in a professional show (!!!!) along with a handful of my fellow classmates.  It's in conjunction with a weekend workshop hosted by my teacher's troupe, with the actual workshop being instructed by a dancer who is internationally known.  Aaack.  This is kind of a big deal.  Aack again.

Being asked was a very nifty lil' boost to my confidence though - what a great feeling (They like me, they really like me!).  Now, on to rehearsals and costume planning - yay!

Sun! Glorious Golden Sun!

Oh, Mr. Sun...This Christmas holiday has been so unusually sunny for BC...(sighs contentedly).  Here's hoping that it stick around for a while.  But...

It also reminds me that British Columbia is as beautiful as is it because we get so much rain.  My brief stint of living in Calgary several years ago made me blissfully thankful for all those dark, rainy days.  Yes, those rainy days often bring on the blues (or sometimes even the mean reds) for many of us, but the rain also brings us the lush, vibrant green trees, grass, the beautiful fragrant flowers...okay, so I do complain a lot when my hair becomes a massive unruly frizzball.  So I spend more time in my polka-dotted rain boots than is fashionable acceptable.  And I do suffer from the aforementioned blues (and more often, the mean reds) when the lack of Vitamin D becomes a bit much.  BUT the few sunny days like this are so much more worth it, when in all the sun's brilliance we see the stunning colours of British Columbia, and I have the rare opportunity to do my morning yoga in the giant sunbeam streaming through my living room window.  (Sighs contentedly once more)

Namaste. 

Dress Appropriately?

The office Christmas party is tonight. I have a dress. But it's the bridesmaid dress I wore for my brother's wedding on the beach in Cuba last June. It is a lovely dark blue, gorgeous material and the style is very flattering on me- a little toooo flattering. Which was perfectly fine while standing on the beach in flip flops with the sun shining gloriously down. But it's so low cut that the idea of wearing it to a party with my co-workers suddenly seems like a not-so-great idea.

Working in a reasonably conservative office environment, I try to stick to dressing on the safe side for our Christmas parties. I think some lovely decolletage is a great accessory to a fancy outfit, but around my colleagues I feel a little self concious. What to do??

I could wear the same dress as last year (gasp! Faux pas alert!), a gorgeous black silk boat-neck number that is charmingly Audrey-esque. Would anyone notice? Maybe. Do I care? Not sure. Switching things up by adding my pretty silver knit shrug, different shoes, stockings and accesories may do the trick.

Or I could be that girl who wore "that dress" at this year's office party...hee hee hee!


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FEAR, part deux

Took a stab at dancing solo last night - my mouth felt like sawdust and i think my lips were stuck to my teeth the entire time, a la Fire Marshall bill (okay, maybe not that bad!).  The choreography is from a teacher I took classes with last winter.  It's crazy fast, for me anyway, but so beautifully delicate and upbeat at the same time.

As soon as I have time (whenever that happens!) I have to attempt to choreograph something myself ( this would be FEAR, part trois).  I have all these little combos that run through my head everytime I listen to a song and all these great songs I want to dance to.  I don't really know where to begin, but a fellow dancer told me to just start with the first 8 counts of the song and build from there.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Right?  Right...  :P

FEAR

There's an Alfred Hitchcock movie going on outside my office window right now...here's hoping I don't get pecked to death on the way to my car. :S





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Fa la la la...f@#k!

The Christmas melancholy is setting in...walking around in a daze wondering what to buy for whom, when I will have time to buy it, blah blah blah...last year I was so organized that the bitterness never came.  This year I am so busy, so INSANELY busy, that those old feelings of disenchantment towards "Consume-mas" are in full swing.

I would love to make some delightfully thoughtful gifts, a la Martha, but...it's that damn time thing - dance rehearsals for the Winter Hafla this Saturday, studying and homework for the yoga teacher training (3 more months to go...), and of course that pesky 9-5 job.  AND finishing off the thank-you cards for the wedding (must get those out this week), organizing my dance costumes for Saturday, etc.etc.etc. 

Here's hoping that next year, I will have LOADS of precious time to make cookies, candies and scarves (oh, my!) for all those people on my Christmas list. This year, it's gonna be gift cards and store bought goodies, terribly impersonal, I know, but it is a temporary fix.  I figure my loved ones will appreciate that I am just preserving my sanity, and that all that celebrating we will do together (because I am making time for that!) means so much more that anything we could buy each other.

Off to do more yoga homework!  Namaste.

Back at it!!!

So I started my blog an entire year ago, got one whole entry in and then promptly forgot about it.  Then just a few days ago, I stumbled onto the blog of a writer and bellydancer in Vancouver and was reminded of my own, so here I am.  Enjoy.

sick little bunny

Staying home from work sick provides one with two more conditions that directly oppose getting well: the imminent buildup of work that awaits you when you get back on your feet, and an acute case of restlessness. Daytime TV is the devil: soaps and talk shows will eventually rot your brain, I am sure of it.

So here I am, waiting for my fiancee to arrive home with the NyQuil that will not only make all the icky, snotty, achy feelings dissipate, but will also knock me flat on my face so that I can actually sleep. In the meantime I am drinking tea with honey and praying for a miracle - my recital is tomorrow night and the last thing anyone wants to see is a belly dancer being overcome by a coughing fit onstage. SO not hot.