sliding into home

 my heart wanders through me

 

and all over everywhere else

 

(where are you who are you hello)

 

and settles, grounded but not quite

 

I belong to them  and to you and to me

 

but not quite

 

so I stare into my glass

 

sobbing gold, sapphires, apple trees and Jesus

 

feet on the ground now

 

I just ate..

a vanilla cupcake with matcha buttercream.  Screw cutting sugar.  That was fucking amazing.

Hey, Sugar...

My husband will tell you, I eat way to much sugar.  I do.  I LOVE, I mean obsessively, passionately love, SUGAR.  I love chocolate, and eat the stuff every day.  I will go in to hyper exclamations of joy at the sight of a cupcake (which drives Husband insane).  A trip to Marble Slab Creamery puts me in a state of pure bliss.

And it has to stop.

Sugar has me in its addictive clutches.  Even though I enjoy healthy eating, I can't get through an entire day without the stuff.  ONE DAY.  I can make it through a "work day", feeling all proud of myself - and the minute I arrive home, something switches in my proud, arrogant lil' noggin.  Before I know it, I will be ripping into the ice cream, or (ick/ YUM) eating marshmallows (intended for baking) out of the bag.  And then...everything goes downhill from there.

I can't stop.  And I don't want to...  I love to bake, especially cupcakes (stay tuned for pictures of my creations).  There is something about the airy softness of cake, with it's sweet, buttery icing; it makes me sigh with contentment.  And ice cream?  Delightful.  Creamy, cold, gorgeousness.  A simple piece of dark chocolate melting, velvety, in my mouth.  Perfect.

But I need to stop.  Or at least cut down.  The crash is too much.  So I am on a quest to cut the sugar.  It's  hard - sugar is sneaky.  Sure, I can look at a cookie or chocolate bar and say no, obviously aware that it's full of sugar.  But sugar hides in so many seemingly "healthy" things we all buy in stores.

So here is the challenge - first, becoming more aware of exactly what is in my food and how much, which means reading labels.  Baby steps.

Shout it out!

What is your favourite vice?

How do you feel when you eat sugar?

Do you know what's in your food?  Do you read the label?

To blog or not to blog???

I'm probably not the laziest person on the planet, but do I ever procrastinate a lot.  Wait, that basically screams lazy.  Whatever.  Anyway, I just spent the last 30 min redesigning my blog (yay, me!) and now it's prettier with a new background, more up-to-date picture (BTW, fan veils are the bane of my existence, beautiful but sheesh I can't keep the things open!!!...) and a couple minor omissions of info and pics.  Now the hard part comes:  ACTUALLY blogging on a semi-regular basis.  Huh.

So here it is, I am promising to write once a week.  Ha!  ("She'll never last!" they whispered) Wait, there is no "they"...I have one whole follower.  Will there be more?

We shall see... >:-D

A blankie, cup of tea, and my couch...

...are all I want right now. (warning:  self-pity alert!)  I'm sick and have a rehearsal that I can't miss, and a dinner at Mona's Lebanese Restaurant with my fellow yoga teacher training grads, which I should miss but just don't want to...but might have to. :(

It's just one of those sick-days where once I get going I will probably feel fine, but logically I know that rest would be best.  Too many commitments, I'm afraid - life cannot be put on hold, just because I have the sniffles.  I already missed a day and a half of work during the week when I was at my worst - now the weekend is here.  before I know it Monday will be at my doorstep.

Here's to a hopefully slow-moving weekend.  :)

Almost there....

I am unofficially a yoga teacher training graduate.  Just need to complete my 20 hour practicum and first aid to receive my certificate, and I will be ready to hit the pavement knocking on the doors of studios and community centres to secure a weekly class time.  Whew!  So excited to start sharing my OM!

Introducing....Miss Leggy McShakerson....

The previously mentioned show was FABULOUS, so many beautiful dancers, gorgeous costumes.  Me and my Beledi Sisters pulled off our piece very well in spite of the addition of an involuntary straight leg shimmy (if you don't know what that is, google bellydance techniques or glossary)....The moment we walked onstage my legs began to tremble so hard I thought for sure everyone could tell, and it took every ounce of self control I have to will my body to perform the choreography that felt so natural and fluid during rehearsals in my and Cheryl's living rooms. 

Fortunately, the moment we were backstage after finishing the piece, the first words out of my dancemates' mouths were "ohmyGodmylegswereshaking!!!!!"...and upon seeing the video of our performance, there was no visual trace of wobbly dancers.  However, this leads me to want to seek out help in the form of being a better performer.  I know I can dance, I am confident with where I'm at as an intermediate student while still knowing that I will always be a student because there is always something new to learn.  But I still don't feel completely comfortable with juggling a choreography + connecting with the audience.  If all I do is get up there and dance, shaky legs and all, without feeling somewhat at ease and having a rapport with the crowd, then I'm not really entertaining anyone.

It is definitely easier right now dancing in a group piece.  we have a connection with each other, and my favorite compliment that night was when another dancer said "you all look like your really enjoy dancing together".  And we do.  And that makes it easier to be up there, when we make eye contact during the performance it's very grounding and I did feel like it helped me connect with the audience.
 
 That, and Gramma's white hair - the only thing I could actually see in the crowd...so I used that as an anchor - the focal point I kept coming back to between nervous glances into the darkness.  :P